Patience and Faith

Next to this mirror are two pieces of paper that I taped to the wall awhile during a hard time last year. They say "Faith" and "Patience". I looked up when I was going to take this picture and saw them. I took a picture of them first: 

About five years ago I started suffering from a severe lack of appetite. I was being careful of what I ate, so I ate very little. My skin hurt all of the time starting immediately after the baby was born. I developed severe stomach pain and sweating every afternoon after I ate, and stopped wanting to eat. I lost weight at a rate of 3 pounds a week. I had other physical problems as well. My skin hurt to the touch immediately after the baby was born. Three days after her birth I tried lifting a heavy box and I was in abdominal pain  after that continued until recently. 

After a few months I started taking digestive enzymes and DoTerra's DigestZen oil and found relief for my stomach. Shortly after I found myself pregnant again with my fourth. 

Almost immediately after his birth, I found myself pregnant again. At this point I was eating very little again-- the stress, pain and fear of eating had developed again from another physical problem. I thought there was no way the baby could survive on how little I was eating. I developed severe depression. When someone recommended protein, I re-discovered yogurt, but when the baby was born, I stopped eating dairy so I could nurse. 

Everything that happened after this time terrifies me. I literally lost my mind. My weight climbed to 175 lbs despite me eating an average of 1200 calories a day when I was keeping track of it. I got pregnant again. 

I don't know how my body managed to build a baby on what I was eating. I don't know how I got through that pregnancy. Suffice it to say that by the end of it, after Beth's birth, I was sitting in a hospital room reading my scriptures when I came across a verse in the book of Joshua: "Then Joshua commanded the officers of the people, saying, 11Pass through the host, and command the people, saying, Prepare you victuals" (victuals means: "food or provisions, typically as prepared for consumption"--from google)